STORY: Principal in NC tells girls to “go somewhere else” if they don’t like boys in their locker room.
This is the SAME OLD cultural playground script I grew up with: telling the girls that if they don’t like what the boys are doing to ignore it, go away, or simply “boys will be boys.”
What’s actually happening in that playground (locker room) moment:
A common scenario:
• One group (boys) escalates intensity—rough play, teasing, intrusion
• Another group (girls) signals discomfort
• Authority response:
“If you don’t like it, go somewhere else.”
On the surface, that sounds like conflict avoidance.
But underneath, it teaches two very different lessons at the same time:
To the ones crossing boundaries (boys):
• Your impulse doesn’t need to be regulated—others will adapt around you
• External feedback (someone saying “stop”) is optional, not meaningful
To the ones experiencing the boundary being crossed (girls):
• Your discomfort doesn’t organize the environment—you must relocate yourself
• The solution is withdrawal, not response
So one side isn’t required to develop internal brakes, and the other isn’t supported in exercising external limits.
Why this matters (the deeper mechanism)
Healthy boundary development has two parts:
• Internal boundary: “I can feel my impulse and regulate it”
• External boundary: “I can respond when something crosses my line”
That playground message bypasses both:
• It removes the need for internal regulation in the initiator
• It removes the legitimacy of external response in the receiver
So instead of:
“Your behavior needs to adjust”
and
“Your signal matters”
The system teaches:
“Boys expand, girls accommodate”
30-Minute FREE Boundary Reboot
April 28
