I like kindness in situations where it CAN in fact be given, at no cost to the person who gives it. Plus when it’s given either to people who deserve it, or to people you have no reason to think do NOT deserve it. But I also agree that integrity is far more important! And if you have to choose between the two, (often, it is possible to do both, though), choose integrity. Plus I think it’s also an incredibly important skill, managing to NOT be kind, and to stand up for oneself, even if other people think that makes you “mean”, whatever! So many women seem to think they have to ALWAYS be kind, and when that is the case, “kindness” becomes a weapon that is wielded against them, instead of something genuine, that actually means something, because it’s truly REAL, and comes from the heart! Personally, I only appreciate kindness all the MORE, if it is from someone with clear boundaries, who also has no problem NOT being kind, if need be.
Also, just something I was proud of myself for, earlier today, that I guess I felt like writing about: I was at my regular spa, doing sauna + ice water sessions, (seriously, this stuff is so INCREDIBLY good for mental health, if you’re so inclined!! Highly recommend. ❤️), and this guy who’s also a regular there, who’s tried to talk to me repeatedly before, was there as well. And like.. I don’t hate him, but I also don’t really like him. I don’t like his personality, and he’s just generally very different from me. Plus while he has never outright hit on me, I get this vibe from him that he WOULD be interested in hooking up, if he thought he had the chance. Which, needless to say, I’m not. Which, what did I do today, when I repeatedly saw him..? I just completely ignored him! Except for giving him a neutral “hi”, just to acknowledge that he was there, before walking away. Clearly indicating that I’m not interested in talking to him. Which.. past me would have struggled with this SO heavily! (Because she thought she had to be “nice” to everyone, always, and always give people the benefit of the doubt, instead of actually listening to her own instincts. Plus she always felt like she owed EXCESSIVE kindness and friendliness to anyone who was even remotely friendly to her! Hence she would have thought she OWED this guy a smile, and a friendly conversation.) And not only that, but also..? After the fact, I felt not even the SLIGHTEST bit guilty or awkward about it!! I’ve got the kind of brain that often keeps looping and obsessing over: “well, what if I did THIS wrong, socially, and these people think I’m a total idiot?? GAHHHHH!!” Likely some version of social anxiety, that is. But today, after ignoring this guy, there was absolutely NONE of that!!! 👏 😊🙏
Just needed to process that, by writing about it, apparently. Like I so often do. And by the way, all you lovely women who ALSO have self-respect, boundaries, dignity, and integrity, and who recognize your own worth..? Have really inspired me and helped me! Even from afar! Love to you all. 🙂❤️
Preach! Justified anger
Thanks Amy. I absolutely appreciate all your info and wisdom on this.
You are amazing.
thank you
YES Amy!
I like kindness in situations where it CAN in fact be given, at no cost to the person who gives it. Plus when it’s given either to people who deserve it, or to people you have no reason to think do NOT deserve it. But I also agree that integrity is far more important! And if you have to choose between the two, (often, it is possible to do both, though), choose integrity. Plus I think it’s also an incredibly important skill, managing to NOT be kind, and to stand up for oneself, even if other people think that makes you “mean”, whatever! So many women seem to think they have to ALWAYS be kind, and when that is the case, “kindness” becomes a weapon that is wielded against them, instead of something genuine, that actually means something, because it’s truly REAL, and comes from the heart! Personally, I only appreciate kindness all the MORE, if it is from someone with clear boundaries, who also has no problem NOT being kind, if need be.
Also, just something I was proud of myself for, earlier today, that I guess I felt like writing about: I was at my regular spa, doing sauna + ice water sessions, (seriously, this stuff is so INCREDIBLY good for mental health, if you’re so inclined!! Highly recommend. ❤️), and this guy who’s also a regular there, who’s tried to talk to me repeatedly before, was there as well. And like.. I don’t hate him, but I also don’t really like him. I don’t like his personality, and he’s just generally very different from me. Plus while he has never outright hit on me, I get this vibe from him that he WOULD be interested in hooking up, if he thought he had the chance. Which, needless to say, I’m not. Which, what did I do today, when I repeatedly saw him..? I just completely ignored him! Except for giving him a neutral “hi”, just to acknowledge that he was there, before walking away. Clearly indicating that I’m not interested in talking to him. Which.. past me would have struggled with this SO heavily! (Because she thought she had to be “nice” to everyone, always, and always give people the benefit of the doubt, instead of actually listening to her own instincts. Plus she always felt like she owed EXCESSIVE kindness and friendliness to anyone who was even remotely friendly to her! Hence she would have thought she OWED this guy a smile, and a friendly conversation.) And not only that, but also..? After the fact, I felt not even the SLIGHTEST bit guilty or awkward about it!! I’ve got the kind of brain that often keeps looping and obsessing over: “well, what if I did THIS wrong, socially, and these people think I’m a total idiot?? GAHHHHH!!” Likely some version of social anxiety, that is. But today, after ignoring this guy, there was absolutely NONE of that!!! 👏 😊🙏
Just needed to process that, by writing about it, apparently. Like I so often do. And by the way, all you lovely women who ALSO have self-respect, boundaries, dignity, and integrity, and who recognize your own worth..? Have really inspired me and helped me! Even from afar! Love to you all. 🙂❤️