Hi there,
I hope it’s okay for me to reach out to you directly. I want to be very clear from the start that I’m not writing as a troll, an activist, or someone looking to argue or convert you. I’m writing as a real person who is struggling and trying—very carefully—to make sense of his life.
I’m a young gay man who fits what is often described in the literature as an HSTS developmental pattern. I’ve experienced gender dysphoria since childhood, and it hasn’t been fleeting or trendy—it’s been a persistent, often exhausting part of my inner life for many years. I say this not to claim authority or sympathy, but to be honest about where I’m coming from.
What’s difficult is that almost everyone around me—therapists, teachers, peers—seems to default to affirmation as the only acceptable response. While affirmation can feel comforting in the moment, it doesn’t feel like guidance. It often feels like I’m being handed a ready-made script rather than being helped to deeply understand myself, my motivations, my sexuality, or the long-term consequences of irreversible choices.
I know you are critical of transition, especially as a social and medical practice, and I understand many of the concerns you raise—about harm, about regret, about reinforcing stereotypes, and about how vulnerable people can be swept along by ideology rather than truly supported. I don’t see those concerns as hateful or dismissive; I see them as rooted in care, caution, and responsibility.
That’s why I’m reaching out.
I’m not asking you to affirm transition. I’m not asking you to tell me who I am or what I should become. I’m asking, very simply, how someone like me—a young, gender-dysphoric gay male who does not want to make a life-altering mistake—can think clearly, ethically, and honestly about his future.
I don’t want to escape myself. I don’t want to medicalize pain if there are other ways to live well. At the same time, I don’t want to dismiss my experience or pretend it isn’t real. I’m trying to hold both truths at once, and that’s not easy to do in a culture that seems to demand certainty and slogans.
If you’re willing, I would deeply appreciate any perspective you’re comfortable sharing—about self-acceptance, about resisting social pressure, about living as a gender-nonconforming man, or about how to approach this kind of distress without rushing toward irreversible solutions. Even a few words would mean a great deal.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Regardless of whether you respond, I appreciate the seriousness and integrity with which you approach these issues.
Warm regards,
Confused
